This is the last time I will talk about Skins for a while, I PROMISE

I know it's been weeks, practically months since the last episode of Skins, and I haven't done my RECAP yet, but here it is.  It was rather underwhelming for a SEASON FINALE but it still had many good parts.  Here's what happened!

The first 30 seconds of the show are absolutely, without a doubt, THE most seizure-inducing 30 seconds of any TV show I have ever witnessed.  I have no idea what's going on!  Oh wait, it's just Effy and Cook, partying really hard.  They're living as outlaws these days, after Effy's accidental attempted murder of their friend Katie.  They're just banditting through the English countryside, stopping at all the most podunk towns to see which one has the best raves.  Apparently it is the town where Cook's dad lives.  Cook is really nervous about meeting his dad, whom he hasn't seen in years; it's nice to see Cook being not a total jerk.  And NO WAY! Cook's dad is Super Hans from Peep Show (a quick word on Peep Show:  oh man, it is SO GOOD.  Probably the best cringe comedy since Extras.  Watch it here!)  He is quite a nasty character, but he says some funny things.  "This here kid is the FRUIT OF MY LOOOMBS!" etc.  They hang out at the pub because Cook's dad is an alcoholic.  Cooke is loving it because he's also an alcoholic (like father, like son!).  Effy is not amused.

That night, they are still at the pub but now everyone is dancing.  Effy is the hottest girl there!  Cook's dad is like, "Hey son, your girlfriend is MAJOR hot.  I'd hit it!" and more rude things that normal, boundary-respecting dads don't say to their kids.  Cook doesn't say anything, but it is dawning on him that his dad is a total creep.  Cook gets in a fight with some guy who's hitting on Effy, for the sole purpose of setting up an IMPORTANT PLOT POINT.  Effy leaves the pub.  She's getting tired of Cook's antics.  But then Cook's dad hits on Effy and proposes to "have a rumble" with her.  Yuck, what a creep!  Effy is not amused.

Meanwhile, JJ and Freddie are at work, being all pissy and argumentative.  JJ thinks Freddie smokes too much and is too boring, and Freddie is like "WHAT!  Me, boring?!?!?  I'm really, really, ridiculously good looking and I have TWO LOOKS!  I'm practically the most exciting person there is!!!"  JJ is even more bored now.  He would prefer the company of Effy's mom to his boring friend.  They have a nice chat.  She really cares about her daughter but doesn't understand her!  JJ can relate because he's a magician, or something.  Later on, he goes to Freddie's house to apologize for their row, but Freddie is in the middle of a furious wanking session!  PHEW.  I was so worried this season would end without a single wanking scene, but they managed to sneak one in right at the end! Good job, guys.  Anyways, Freddie gets a call from Effy and she says "Cook is in trouble, you have to come help him!"  Freddie is all "whiiiine whine whine, why do I have to help him, I thought you liked him?" and Effy is like "Because I love you, Freddie."  Aw.

Cook's dad owes a lot of money to the pubtender so Cook enters a race to help him out, and also to beat that guy who was hitting on Effy earlier.  But then Freddie and JJ show up!  They all have a big argument and everyone drops what they are doing to listen to them.

"I'm really interested in what these children are talking about in slightly raised voices."

Freddie and Cook decide to race against each other and whoever wins will get to keep Effy, or whatever.  But then JJ enters the race!  What's he doing there?  He's too nerdy to win a race, especially if it is a GRANNY RACE?!?!?! WHAT!

Surprise!  JJ wins, because slow and steady wins the race.  The granny race, not the race to win Effy's heart.  Because Freddie wins that later on, when he and Effy are totally getting it on in some warehouse or whatever.  BUT FIRST.  Freddie and Cook are very mad at each other because neither one won the race and now we will never know who will be with Effy!  They get into a fight but JJ breaks it up with a magic "if you don't stop being such babies I will snap your fingers in half and make your eyeballs pop out" trick.  He proceeds to put everyone in their place.  Freddie and Cook are being really stupid these days!  Effy should stop being so "fit and mysterious"!  And Effy really has to stick with one guy, she's tearing their friendships apart!  Cook hates relationship talks, so he leaves, and so does JJ, and now Effy and Freddie can get it on in peace.

Cook goes to see his dad at the docks (he lives on a boat, btw) so they can have more fun, father-son bonding time.  But what's this?  His dad is trying to leave town before his boat can be seized and his son can say goodbye to him?  Plus, his dad didn't want Cook to visit, and besides, Cook was an accident so why should he care about him?  Ouch.  Cook is distraught.  is dad threatens to hit him with a lit firecracker?  Crazy.  But then Freddie shows up and knocks Cook's dad out with the classic heavy object to the head move!  JJ and Effy who up, and they all start sailing down the river with Cook's dad's unconscious body in tow.  He wakes up and Cook shoves him overboard because he has finally realized he does not need that nasty dad, even though he is the only dad he's got.  Freddie and Cook are friends again!  Freddie wonders "What do we do now?" and it is ALL OVER.

Friends!

And here's what I thought:

• My main problem with this episode and pretty much the whole third season, is this: I don't care which guy Effy ends up with!  They're both pretty bad!  Cook is a childish jerk and Freddie is a boring wanker (but that might be more of a problem of that guy's acting, which is pretty bad sometimes)!  That was a pretty weak overarching plot line.  (but OBVIOUSLY Effy should've chosen JJ because he's a gentleman and he won the race besides.)  
• Where was everyone else?  Finales are supposed to be "everyone" episodes!
  
• That was such a boring and lazy ending!  "What's going to happen next? WINK WINK, keep watching our show!" Geesh.  I don't care what happens next because there are no questions dying to be answered unless you count "Will Effy stay with Freddie this time?" which would be a boring question.  I'm going to be irked (IRKED!) if I have to sit through that dumb storyline again!  I miss the days of Skins yore, when finales were times for Cat Stevens singalongs and transcontinental soul searching.
• Otherwise, it was pretty good.  It was nice to get some backstory on Cook, and for that backstory to involve Super Hans.  

And here is a Skins Series 3 Report Card:

• I ended up liking it more than I thought I would at the (horrible) beginning.  The characters certainly grew on me, except for Freddie, who got VERY ANNOYING by the end.  Even Cook was not so bad!  I actually thought the guy who played him, Jack O'Connell, did a great job (and I just found out he was Pukey Nicholls in This is England.  True story!) and I totally wouldn't mind if he went on to star in the next Big Movie and be nominated for all the awards, a la Anwar of Series 1 and 2.  And I really liked JJ and the twins and Thomas.  The actors who played them were pretty good, too.  And Naomi and Pandora were fine as well, I suppose.  And of course (of course!) Effy was great.  Good job, everyone except Freddie!
• Gradeswise, I would give the first half of the season a D and the second half a B+.  I'm really glad they (They? They.) took my advice and toned down the CRAZY EXTREEEEME of the first few episodes.  Good job, you guys!

I am loving these two movie things right now!

I just recently stumbled upon two sites that you will probably love if you like movies and/or things that look cool.  The first one is some guy's flickr page where he makes minimalist posters for some classic movies.  What a great idea!  This one's my favorite:

Isn't that neat.   On the other site, someone made old-style novel versions of classic movies.  Look at this one!

 

Pretty cool, right?  And I love this one:

Okay, you get.  Great stuff!

Here's some more music that I like!

Oh look, I'm writing about MUSIC again.  I will try to make this more intelligent-sounding and less bursting with exclamation marks than my last music review (I'm probably going to cringe when I look back on that in later years, when I am a famous children's book author [not really, but wouldn't that be an excellent retirement plan?] who eats Pulitzers for breakfast.  But for now, exclamation points at the end of every sentence are okay, especially when talking about Mika's new album.  It's just so fun and catchy!)  Anyways, there's this guy named Jamie T who makes some music that I like (you're convinced, right?  You're so convinced!).  He's from gritty North London, and a lot of his songs are about living in gritty North London.  He sounds very British.  It's hard to understand what he's saying sometimes because of how I have American ears.  But most importantly, he makes some great music and his new album is very good!

I would have raved about his first album, Panic Prevention, when I listened to it about a year ago, but I didn't have a blog in those days (can you believe it!).  It's really great, though.  I've probably listened to it at least dozens of times (so many times! [except the Lily Allen song.  It's too sad :( ]).  Here, let me show you some videos of songs from that album!  Here's one that I can embed!  It's called Salvador.

Aw, that kid has got some killer moves, no?  And there are TWO VIDEOS for his most popular song (it was so good it could not be contained in merely one video!), Sheila: one has monkeys, the other has Bob Hoskins and no monkeys.  Did you watch one of those?  Okay, good.  That was a very depressing song if you listened to any of the words, right?  North London is so gritty.  Pretty fun, though, apart from that.

The rest of the album is also very listenable; some of it is funny, some of it is sad, some is highly danceable/aerobicizable (I've listened to this song just about every single time I've treadmilled since October '08), etc.  It's not something that gets old quickly (for me, at least.  Maybe you hate Jamie T's music, I dunno!), partly because it sounds fairly different from most other things I could compare it to.  Probably the closest thing is The Streets, what with all the speed-talking/singing quasi-rap, obscure British slang, references to gritty North London, and clever use of samples.  But there's so much more!  There are bits of reggae, ska, punk, dub, spoken word ramblings, whatever.  And it's fun to try and figure out what the hell he's talking about (seriously, such a tough accent)!

Okay, you get it.  Good stuff!  Jamie T's new album, Kings and Queens, is just as good as the first one, but with one hundred percent more solemn acoustic ballads (no, that's not a bad thing!).  I like it a lot!  Listen to it, or whatever.

Another Skins post

Well, this one was fine, I guess.  It certainly had some good parts and some not-as-good parts.  But enough of the vagueties.  On to the recap!

The Slutty Twin is recovering from her massive Effy-inflicted head injury, and also her name is Katie.  She hasn't been going to college so Emily disguises herself as Katie (it was easy, she just dressed up like a skank) to take a test for her or something (they are TWINS, remember!).  Naomi recognizes Emily, just in time to tell her that she is going to spend her summer "finding herself" in Cyprus, with no help from Emily.  Poor Emily, she is very sad now.  Just as Naomi walks out of her life forever (until next school year), Emily calls out "I'll miss you, Naomi!  You are the love of my life!" and Naomi runs back and they totally make out in the hallway.

"Twins are so confusing!"

Meanwhile, Katie is sitting at home with her mum, whingeing and moaning about her unattractive head injury.  She says something about how everyone just likes her for her looks and Emily is the smarter twin.  Emotions!  Her mother promises to hunt Effy down.  "She will go to JAIL for what she did to you!"  What, where did Effy go?

When Katie is done whingeing, we see Emily and Naomi hanging out, all naked and stuff.  Naomi is like "I don't think I'll be going to Cyprus anymore, hehe!" and Emily is like "Yay!  Wanna go to the school dance with me, like, as a couple?" but Naomi says she doesn't want to because then everyone will think she's, like, gay, you know?.  Emily is very frustrated and is like, "We definitely just had some lesbian sex.  I mean,  LOOK AT HOW NAKED WE ARE!  Stop lying to yourself."  And she runs off, without any shoes or jackets.  At the bus stop, she is looking a right mess.  Thomas, who has taken a break from his busy partying schedule, sees her and gives her his shoes and jacket, as well as some words of wisdom (he has learned a lot from his relationship with the adulterous Pandora).  Aw, what a nice guy. 

Emily gets home and still looks a right mess.  Her family wants to know where she's been.  Her mom, ever the overblown caricature of a looks-obsessed adult, wonders why she looks so awful.  "Did some BOY do that to you?" she inquires.  "Yeah, did some BOY do that?  If so, I will mash his brains into a pulp!" her dad, ever the overblown caricature of a fitness-obsessed adult, gleefully offers.  But Emily is like, "No way, family.  It was a GIRL.  I just nailed a GIRL."  The parents are aghast.  Katie says Emily is lying, she's totally straight!, and the dad thinks it's a hilarious joke.  What a supportive family!

Later on, Katie and Emily have a terrible fight but then they get over it.  Katie wants to go shopping for a dress to wear to the dance.  They decide to go to the dance together, without dates, because boys and Naomis can be jerks sometimes.  There is a shopping montage accompanied by some exceedingly sassy music.  Emily and Katie are having fun together, yay!  But oh no, who's that walking into the DRESS SHOP?!  It's Freddie, of course. Katie is really mad at him because of how he had sex with Effy instead of searching for her after she was hit in the head with a rock when they were in the woods that one time.  You know, normal relationship stuff.  He and Katie have a chat in the dressing room.

Freddie blabs about how JJ slept with Emily, even though that was a SECRET!  Katie remembers this information; it will be good for blackmailing. 

Meanwhile, Naomi goes over to Emily's place, but she's not there.  Instead, her mom is there, and she tells Naomi she must never see Emily again.  Oh no!  Naomi calls Emily and they meet up somewhere, but whoa, it's actually Katie!  She tells Naomi about Emily's thing with JJ and she wants Naomi to stay away from her sister because she doesn't like how she is gay,  they are supposed to be exactly the same, and she doesn't want anyone else to love her (which is kind of nice, but still, what a bitch!).  Naomi is like "ugh, what a biiiiiitch."

Emily and Katie go to the dance looking exactly the same.  Their dates are Freddie and JJ now, but they aren't talking much because things are awkward.  Naomi shows up and she confronts Emily about that thing with JJ.  Everyone starts fighting, but Emily and Katie's fight is the best.  Emily almost punches Katie in the face on the dancefloor, but then she doesn't because that's, like, totally what Effy did, and also she loves her sister or whatever.  They make up, Katie accepts Emily for who she is, and Naomi and Emily declare their love for each other in front of the whole college.  Oh, and Pandora and Thomas get back together, but what's more important is that Thomas HAS KILLER STYLE IN SUITS!  What a cool guy.

Yay, happy endings all around! 

Some thoughts:

• Oh man, the music was so annoying this episode.  I'm going to have to confiscate some of those gold stars I gave the music person.  There were like THREE TIMES where music with words was playing over dialog!  Unacceptable.
• Oh man, the adults were so annoying this episode.  The parents especially; they were perhaps the most ridiculous of ALL the parents, and that's saying something.
• Otherwise, it was pretty good!