The new American Skins is horrid

So, I just watched the new US Skins on MTV and OMG I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR HOW TERRIBLE THAT WAS.  It was really bad!

Weird thing is, it was exactly the same as the original in pretty much every respect except the quality of the acting (very important factor in the making of a quality television program, it turns out!).  And also, Maxxie is no longer a hot openly-gay-but-not-stereotypical-at-all-which-was-actually-pretty-unprecedented-for-shows-of-this-sort dancer, but a HOT LESBIAN CHEERLEADER.  Very brave, very creative decision-making, MTV.  

These guys made a wonderful list of all the other ways this episode was different from the first ep of the original Skins, including such shockers as:

"BRITISH: It’s overcast.

AMERICAN: It’s snowing." 

 and "BRITISH: After auditioning, Tony is invited to a party by perky blonde Abby.

AMERICAN: After auditioning, Tony is invited to a party by perky blonde Tabitha."

You get it.  But then how was it so terrible (so terrible!) if it was an exact replica of the first episode of the original series, which while admittedly not perfect was still obviously the start of something fun and surprising and entertaining and amazing and clever and, most importantly, full of heart?  Well, there are many reasons for this!  

Here's a list of reasons for why the new American Skins was terrible:

• The acting was absolutely HORRID by everyone except Tea and maybe Chris.  I know they are all total teenage acting newbies, yanked off the streets to star in an exciting new dramedy, just like in the original Skins, but YIKES these kids are bad at their new job (but Tea and maybe Chris are fine). 
• On a related note, since when was Michelle a ROBOT?!?!?! (lol because she is terrible at acting and sounds like a robot!)
• Tony is a major asshole with no redeeming qualities whatsoever (having a nice wardrobe DOES NOT COUNT).  Remember how in the original, Tony was a lying, manipulative MEGA asshole, but he was very charming and likable at the same time?  And how this led to a lot of moral dilemmas for the viewer?  And how Nicholas Hoult was a top-notch actor who managed to pull all this off, and then do a great job of getting run over by a bus and dealing with brain trauma next season?  Yeah, this isn't going to work, New Tony.  You are pissing me off greatly and it is just the first episode.  STOP SMIRKING AT ME, YOU SMUG ASSHOLE.
• Effy looks like a 12-year-old human mouse.  She is not a sexy and mysterious badass AT ALL.  Also, not very good acting here, which is sort of a HUGE problem for a character that never talks?
• STANLEY UGGGGGGH.  A mousey loser in a beanie cap does not a Sid make.
• "Cadie" is not Cassie :( which I suppose was to be expected, but still disappointing.  I guess it's nice that they're trying to make her a bit different, given how utterly amazing and beloved the original Cassie was (Top 5 TV Characters of All Time?  Top 5 TV Characters of All Time for sure.), but so far I very much prefer Cassie, who was batty but lovable in a Luna Lovegood sort of way,  to "Cadie," who is sarcastic and "has a thing for knives" (how not-at-all cliche!).  But we'll see how this goes.  
• It was weird how all of these AMERICAN TEENS were saying things like "dingly" and "let's get spliffed up" and "anyone got skins?" (LOLOL).  I thought the remake came into being because there was too much indecipherable British slang in the original?
• Why did they all have to wear the same exact clothes as the guys in the first Skins? LOOK:

 Yellow jackets are for True Chrises only.

• The Mad Twatter is now Mad Le Dong?  And he does not have a handlebar moustache?  DO NOT LIKE.
• There was still some censorship!  Words were bleeped out even on the internet!  What a bunch of prudes over there at MTV!

Here's a short list of the things I liked about it:

• I like Tea, the new Maxxie, even though I am annoyed by her being a hot lesbian cheerleader.  She seems to be pretty alright at the acting.  I suppose Chris is okay, too, but I am wary of liking him because the pain of liking the previous Chris only to have him go all fatal brain-hemorrhage on me is still VERY FRESH.
• The music was nice, I suppose.  Swapping Chingy for Animal Collective was NOT A BAD IDEA and very in line with Tony's character (I care about these things!).

I suppose I'll keep watching anyways.  It might get better.  Perhaps I'll bullet-list recap the eps even?  That might be really fun if it keeps on being as terrible as this was.  WE'LL SEE.