A List of Songs with Lists

 1.  ABBA, "The Day Before You Came" - a list of things Agnetha must have done the day before you came, such as watching Dallas and going to sleep at around a quarter after ten.  She likes a lot of sleep so she likes to be in bed by then.

2.  Adam and the Ants, "The Human Beings" - a list of different types of Native Americans.

3.  Paul Simon, "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover"

4.  The Beatles, "Savoy Truffle" - a list of things you'll have to have "pulled out" (?) after eating the savoy truffle, including an apple tart and coconut fudge.

5.  The Buzzcocks, "Whatever Happened To?" - a list of things that have seemingly disappeared, including pickup trucks, the yellow pages, and Chairman Mao.

A list of my favorite rom-coms

Just in time for the day after Valentine's Day!

I didn't include anything that doesn't fit my own strict definition of what a rom-com is, which is basically "a movie that is somewhere between Legally Blonde and About a Boy."  Obviously, not every movie that is both romantic and comedic is a rom-com, no duh.  Several movies that I love have been left out because they do not fit these rigid requirements.  For example, Pretty in Pink (too many teenagers), The Princess Bride (too much adventure), Amélie (too French), The Science of Sleep (also too French), Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (too sad), Benny and Joon (too much mental-patient-as-love-interest) and Chocolat (too serious) are NOT ROM-COMS.  Got it?  Okay.  Here are my 14 favorite rom-coms! 

1.  About a Boy -What a great movie this is!  Probably the best thing Hugh Grant, the KING of rom-coms, has ever done, and possibly the best thing Nicholas Hoult, aka Tony from Skins, has ever done (is About a Boy better than series one and two of Skins?  WHO KNOWS!!!)  Seriously, so great though.  Oh, and kahdooze to the ladies in About a Boy.  It is, after all, a rom-com, and not just a heart-warming tale of friendship between a lonely man and a misfit child.

2.  Love Actually - Some people say this one is a bit dumb or unrealistic, to which I say "yeah, but whatever!"  It's got everything you want from a rom-com - Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, romance, comedy, Bill Nighy (?), and happy endings for everyone!  Yay!

3.  Bridget Jones's Diary - Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, killing it again here.  Both true masters of the art of rom-com. 

4.  High Fidelity - John Cusack, another master of the form, at his rom-commiest best (Say Anything is also pretty great, but it has the same problem as Pretty in Pink [re: teenagers]).  

5.  My Big Fat Greek Wedding - Great movie!  Lots of quality laughs.  FUN FACT: this is the only rom-com on my list with Joey "the Fat One" Fatone of N*SYNC in it!

6.  Knocked Up - I feel like this one barely qualifies since it's so Judd Apatow-y and it's almost too funny.  But Katherine Heigl has been in nothing but rom-coms, so sure, this works.

7.  10 Things I Hate About You - Heath Ledger probably could have become a rom-com legend if, you know, he didn't die or whatever.

8.  The Wedding Singer - Adam Sandler is always trying to make SERIOUS ROM-COMS and usually they are pretty bad, but I like this one. 

9.  Legally Blonde -Classic!

10.  Miss Congeniality - Also a classic!

11.  13 Going on 30 - This one is also pretty good!

12.  Ghost Town - Perfectly nice movie.  Not sure if I buy Ricky Gervais' attempts at becoming a ROM-COM LEADING MAN, though.  That's hard to pull off even when one is not a chubby little fat man.

13.  (500) Days of Summer -Very cute, but we'll have to wait and see if it becomes a CLASSIC.

14.  Serendipity - Some people might think this one is very stupid, but I like it. 

HONORARY MENTION:  Moonstruck, because it's my mom's favorite movie.

A list of the most depressing movies I have ever seen

The other day I watched this movie called Kidulthood.  I had wanted to see it because some kids from Skins were in it (but BARELY!), as well as Mickey from Doctor Who, and because a "gritty, powerful drama set in the unforgiving confines of the concrete jungle of North London" sounds like a rip-roaring good time to me.  Boy, was I wrong!  It was one helluva depressing movie.  Basically, it was like Skins: The Movie but with heaps of violence and way more gangsters and it's set in Gritty North London.  Also, it turns out Mickey from Doctor Who, aka Noel Clarke, not only played the most unlikable character in a movie full of unlikable characters but also wrote it.  So good job, I guess?  It was very gritty and powerful and unforgiving.  And it was kind of . . . interesting, and well-acted and it looked nice.  But it was so fucking depressing!  In commemoration of this event (this event = me watching a depressing movie), I've decided to compile a list of the most depressing movies I have ever seen*.  Yay, funtimes!

• Dancer in the Dark - oh man, this one was AWFUL.  Like, it was very well made, and it had excellent acting (good job, Bjork!) and lovely music (good job, Bjork!), but come on, there is no need for any movie to be that depressing, especially if it is not about the Holocaust.  That's just not right.  Also, I'm not one to get too emotionally attached while watching a movie, but I literally cried buckets when I watched this.  BUCKETS.  Lars von Trier probably saw Schindler's List and was like, "Nope, not sad enough, and not nearly enough music and dancing."  Anyways, I liked certain things about it, but it was very cruel of Lars von Trier to make such a monumentally depressing non-Holocaust movie and dupe me into watching it because of Bjork.  I guess what I'm saying is, fuck you, Lars von Trier. 
• Ray - oh look, another movie about a blind musician!
  
• 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days (aka the Romanian Abortion Movie) - I really liked this one, even though it is literally an Abortion Movie.  That's what happens.  It was easily one of the most horrific movies I have ever seen, and apparently it was based on a true story which just makes it worse.  Total nightmare fuel, but I liked it because I learned so much.  About Romania and abortions!
• Million Dollar Baby - woohoo, a fun tale about euthanasia, death, old people, and sexism!  Just what I wanted!  
• The Wind That Shakes the Barley - this was that movie with Cillian Murphy about the Irish War of Independence, which was a very sad war so of course the movie is very sad.  It was also very good, though!  And I learned a lot about Ireland!
• American History X - best movie about neo-Nazis, racism, prison rapes, and brutal violence EVER
• This is England - probably my favorite Terribly Depressing Movie, mostly because it wasn't oppressively depressing the entire time.  Some of it was actually fun!  Plus, England, so, you know . . .
  
• Before the Devil Knows You're Dead - technically a good movie, but there was not a single fun or enjoyable part in the whole thing.  Plus, it was SET IN A STRIP MALL IN NEW JERSEY.  Yuck.

That's about it, then.  I'm sure I've forgotten some, but whatever.  Oh no, I forgot the DEATH TRILOGY!  New bullet!

• Amores Perros, 21 Grams, and Babel (aka the DEATH TRILOGY) - these ones are all pretty depressing, but 21 Grams is definitely the worst (I'd say it's in the top 5 of the Most Depressing Movies I Have Ever Seen list).  They all involve a Tragic Car Crash and probably drugs or whatever, so yeah.  Babel ended on a nicer note than the others but it didn't make me "depressed" so much as "feeling really bad about being an American right now, thanks a lot Mexican director Alejandro Gonzalez Iñarritú."  Amores Perros is awesome, it's really great, but all the dog fighting and lonely homeless hitman was pretty sad. 
  

* I didn't include any Holocaust movies because I generally hate them very much**, plus they're all terribly depressing and that would make for a boring list.  Schindler's List is probably a great movie, but I never want to see it.  I've heard it is the most depressing movie Of All Time, and also the Definitive Holocaust Movie.  But what I don't understand is, if Schindler's List is such a great, Holocaust-y movie, then why the fuck are new Holocaust movies still being made ALL THE TIME?!?!  Are there really people that need reminding through film that the Holocaust was the greatest human tragedy ever?  And if so, why can't those people just fucking RENT SCHINDLER'S LIST or read Anne Frank's diary?  I don't get it.

** except Life is Beautiful, which I liked very much (mostly because the first half is a delightful, lighthearted comedy with only the slightest traces of Holocaust)

A list of British words that sound silly to me

So, the other day I was reading The Times (of London) and there was an article about the circus.  It was a pretty standard report, but I nearly laughed out loud (out loud!) when I came to this part about the smell of burning “candyfloss” wafting through the fairgrounds.  Candyfloss!  What a silly word!  Imagine flossing your teeth with candy!  Anyways, here is a list of my favorite British words that sound silly to my American ears (this list does not include American words whose British pronunciations are silly, like “garage” or “vitamin.”  Just British words.):

candyfloss

answerphone

orang-utan

numpty

whinge

pushchair

fairy lights

sellotape

people mover

zebra crossing

fizzy drink

Okay, that's all I could think of.  Did I forget anything important?

(the picture is from here)