Look at what I bought!

A "Garden Gnomes for Obama" pin!

 

From the coveted garden gnome demographic.  They're probably what put him over the edge! 

Speaking of gnomes (best transition ever, probably), I just found this amazing site called Better Gnomes and Gardens, which has all of the latest gnome gnews and information.  As a fan of gnomes, I cannot tell you how absolutely ECSTATIC I am to have found this!  I just wish I had known about it two months ago, when there was an alert for a giveaway of 300 garden gnomes in Phoenix!  (My mom would have loved that!)  Better Gnomes and Gardens has quickly rocketed up towards the top of my list of the Best Things on the Internet, Ever (I'd say it's above This is why you're fat but below Videogum and Wizard People, Dear Reader).  

Peep Show is great!

I may have mentioned earlier that the British television comedy Peep Show is great, but I will mention it again.  Peep Show is great!  Oh man, it is SO GOOD.  I'm midway through the third season right now, and I have to say, I am quite impressed by the consistent super high quality of this show!  ALL OF THE EPISODES thus far have been top-notch, hilarious, cringe-tastic entertainment.  Let me tell you more about it, and why I like it so much!

I came across Peep Show after watching the excellent sketch comedy series, That Mitchell and Webb Look, which has the same two guys as Peep Show.  It's very funny!  Here is a sketch from it:

Ahaha.  That's funny even though I don't live in England where there is, apparently, an excessive amount of football (soccer) coverage; instead, I live in America, where there is, in fact, a dearth of football (soccer) coverage!  But if you substitute all the "football!"s for "American football!"s, it makes TOTAL SENSE.  (The heroin addict Christmas one is also great.)

I enjoyed watching That Mitchell and Webb Look for quite some time, mostly via YouTube, but also sometimes at ungodly hours of the night on BBC America (and one glorious Tuesday afternoon three months ago, when there was a marathon!).  But THEN I found out about Peep Show, which is a real non-sketch show (!) with Mitchell and Webb (!!) that has actual narratives (!!!) and an innovative point-of-view camera technique (!!!!).

SO.  Peep Show is about these two flatmates, Mark and Jez, who are what could be called an "odd couple."  Mark is a terminally pessimistic and awkward office worker and Jez is the opposite of that, but also a "musician."  But what makes this interesting is the innovative point-of-view camera technique and the inner monologue voice-overs.  Here, watch THIS!  Okay, did you watch that?  Good!  Wasn't that neat, how each character's thoughts play out over the action, which is often from their point of view?  What a great idea that was!  (Also, did you notice how immensely quotable it is?  "Tinned food is for crackheads and wores.")  The point of view thing took a while for me to get used to - there was a lot of staring down at food in the first season - but it's pretty neat.  And the voice-overs are great because they double the LPM (laffs per minute).

ALSO:

• Like my other favorite British cringe comedies, The Office and Extras, Peep Show is sometimes very painful to watch!  It gets really bad at times, but in a good way.  It still manages to be very funny even when the characters are at their most unlikable, which is impressive.
  
• Speaking of The Office, it is very much like The Office sometimes, but just because half of it takes place in Mark's office and there is lots of Office-type humor.  But it is unique and different!
• Also speaking of The Office, the Guardian claims Peep Show is the best British comedy of the decade (lofty claim, I know!), better even than The Office (because Peep Show has been on the air for six seasons without a decline in quality, which I'm not sure is how you judge these things, but sure, IT IS THAT GOOD!)!
• The first season was great, but I've been loving the second and third ones because there has been more action from the supporting characters, all of whom are great, but especially Super Hans the crackhead. 
• Okay, so Peep Show is great.  Watch it!  It's all on YouTube!
  

Look at what I bought!

GOLD LION DOOR KNOCKER EARRINGS!

I love working at a thrift store.

This is the last time I will talk about Skins for a while, I PROMISE

I know it's been weeks, practically months since the last episode of Skins, and I haven't done my RECAP yet, but here it is.  It was rather underwhelming for a SEASON FINALE but it still had many good parts.  Here's what happened!

The first 30 seconds of the show are absolutely, without a doubt, THE most seizure-inducing 30 seconds of any TV show I have ever witnessed.  I have no idea what's going on!  Oh wait, it's just Effy and Cook, partying really hard.  They're living as outlaws these days, after Effy's accidental attempted murder of their friend Katie.  They're just banditting through the English countryside, stopping at all the most podunk towns to see which one has the best raves.  Apparently it is the town where Cook's dad lives.  Cook is really nervous about meeting his dad, whom he hasn't seen in years; it's nice to see Cook being not a total jerk.  And NO WAY! Cook's dad is Super Hans from Peep Show (a quick word on Peep Show:  oh man, it is SO GOOD.  Probably the best cringe comedy since Extras.  Watch it here!)  He is quite a nasty character, but he says some funny things.  "This here kid is the FRUIT OF MY LOOOMBS!" etc.  They hang out at the pub because Cook's dad is an alcoholic.  Cooke is loving it because he's also an alcoholic (like father, like son!).  Effy is not amused.

That night, they are still at the pub but now everyone is dancing.  Effy is the hottest girl there!  Cook's dad is like, "Hey son, your girlfriend is MAJOR hot.  I'd hit it!" and more rude things that normal, boundary-respecting dads don't say to their kids.  Cook doesn't say anything, but it is dawning on him that his dad is a total creep.  Cook gets in a fight with some guy who's hitting on Effy, for the sole purpose of setting up an IMPORTANT PLOT POINT.  Effy leaves the pub.  She's getting tired of Cook's antics.  But then Cook's dad hits on Effy and proposes to "have a rumble" with her.  Yuck, what a creep!  Effy is not amused.

Meanwhile, JJ and Freddie are at work, being all pissy and argumentative.  JJ thinks Freddie smokes too much and is too boring, and Freddie is like "WHAT!  Me, boring?!?!?  I'm really, really, ridiculously good looking and I have TWO LOOKS!  I'm practically the most exciting person there is!!!"  JJ is even more bored now.  He would prefer the company of Effy's mom to his boring friend.  They have a nice chat.  She really cares about her daughter but doesn't understand her!  JJ can relate because he's a magician, or something.  Later on, he goes to Freddie's house to apologize for their row, but Freddie is in the middle of a furious wanking session!  PHEW.  I was so worried this season would end without a single wanking scene, but they managed to sneak one in right at the end! Good job, guys.  Anyways, Freddie gets a call from Effy and she says "Cook is in trouble, you have to come help him!"  Freddie is all "whiiiine whine whine, why do I have to help him, I thought you liked him?" and Effy is like "Because I love you, Freddie."  Aw.

Cook's dad owes a lot of money to the pubtender so Cook enters a race to help him out, and also to beat that guy who was hitting on Effy earlier.  But then Freddie and JJ show up!  They all have a big argument and everyone drops what they are doing to listen to them.

"I'm really interested in what these children are talking about in slightly raised voices."

Freddie and Cook decide to race against each other and whoever wins will get to keep Effy, or whatever.  But then JJ enters the race!  What's he doing there?  He's too nerdy to win a race, especially if it is a GRANNY RACE?!?!?! WHAT!

Surprise!  JJ wins, because slow and steady wins the race.  The granny race, not the race to win Effy's heart.  Because Freddie wins that later on, when he and Effy are totally getting it on in some warehouse or whatever.  BUT FIRST.  Freddie and Cook are very mad at each other because neither one won the race and now we will never know who will be with Effy!  They get into a fight but JJ breaks it up with a magic "if you don't stop being such babies I will snap your fingers in half and make your eyeballs pop out" trick.  He proceeds to put everyone in their place.  Freddie and Cook are being really stupid these days!  Effy should stop being so "fit and mysterious"!  And Effy really has to stick with one guy, she's tearing their friendships apart!  Cook hates relationship talks, so he leaves, and so does JJ, and now Effy and Freddie can get it on in peace.

Cook goes to see his dad at the docks (he lives on a boat, btw) so they can have more fun, father-son bonding time.  But what's this?  His dad is trying to leave town before his boat can be seized and his son can say goodbye to him?  Plus, his dad didn't want Cook to visit, and besides, Cook was an accident so why should he care about him?  Ouch.  Cook is distraught.  is dad threatens to hit him with a lit firecracker?  Crazy.  But then Freddie shows up and knocks Cook's dad out with the classic heavy object to the head move!  JJ and Effy who up, and they all start sailing down the river with Cook's dad's unconscious body in tow.  He wakes up and Cook shoves him overboard because he has finally realized he does not need that nasty dad, even though he is the only dad he's got.  Freddie and Cook are friends again!  Freddie wonders "What do we do now?" and it is ALL OVER.

Friends!

And here's what I thought:

• My main problem with this episode and pretty much the whole third season, is this: I don't care which guy Effy ends up with!  They're both pretty bad!  Cook is a childish jerk and Freddie is a boring wanker (but that might be more of a problem of that guy's acting, which is pretty bad sometimes)!  That was a pretty weak overarching plot line.  (but OBVIOUSLY Effy should've chosen JJ because he's a gentleman and he won the race besides.)  
• Where was everyone else?  Finales are supposed to be "everyone" episodes!
  
• That was such a boring and lazy ending!  "What's going to happen next? WINK WINK, keep watching our show!" Geesh.  I don't care what happens next because there are no questions dying to be answered unless you count "Will Effy stay with Freddie this time?" which would be a boring question.  I'm going to be irked (IRKED!) if I have to sit through that dumb storyline again!  I miss the days of Skins yore, when finales were times for Cat Stevens singalongs and transcontinental soul searching.
• Otherwise, it was pretty good.  It was nice to get some backstory on Cook, and for that backstory to involve Super Hans.  

And here is a Skins Series 3 Report Card:

• I ended up liking it more than I thought I would at the (horrible) beginning.  The characters certainly grew on me, except for Freddie, who got VERY ANNOYING by the end.  Even Cook was not so bad!  I actually thought the guy who played him, Jack O'Connell, did a great job (and I just found out he was Pukey Nicholls in This is England.  True story!) and I totally wouldn't mind if he went on to star in the next Big Movie and be nominated for all the awards, a la Anwar of Series 1 and 2.  And I really liked JJ and the twins and Thomas.  The actors who played them were pretty good, too.  And Naomi and Pandora were fine as well, I suppose.  And of course (of course!) Effy was great.  Good job, everyone except Freddie!
• Gradeswise, I would give the first half of the season a D and the second half a B+.  I'm really glad they (They? They.) took my advice and toned down the CRAZY EXTREEEEME of the first few episodes.  Good job, you guys!

I am loving these two movie things right now!

I just recently stumbled upon two sites that you will probably love if you like movies and/or things that look cool.  The first one is some guy's flickr page where he makes minimalist posters for some classic movies.  What a great idea!  This one's my favorite:

Isn't that neat.   On the other site, someone made old-style novel versions of classic movies.  Look at this one!

 

Pretty cool, right?  And I love this one:

Okay, you get.  Great stuff!

Here's some more music that I like!

Oh look, I'm writing about MUSIC again.  I will try to make this more intelligent-sounding and less bursting with exclamation marks than my last music review (I'm probably going to cringe when I look back on that in later years, when I am a famous children's book author [not really, but wouldn't that be an excellent retirement plan?] who eats Pulitzers for breakfast.  But for now, exclamation points at the end of every sentence are okay, especially when talking about Mika's new album.  It's just so fun and catchy!)  Anyways, there's this guy named Jamie T who makes some music that I like (you're convinced, right?  You're so convinced!).  He's from gritty North London, and a lot of his songs are about living in gritty North London.  He sounds very British.  It's hard to understand what he's saying sometimes because of how I have American ears.  But most importantly, he makes some great music and his new album is very good!

I would have raved about his first album, Panic Prevention, when I listened to it about a year ago, but I didn't have a blog in those days (can you believe it!).  It's really great, though.  I've probably listened to it at least dozens of times (so many times! [except the Lily Allen song.  It's too sad :( ]).  Here, let me show you some videos of songs from that album!  Here's one that I can embed!  It's called Salvador.

Aw, that kid has got some killer moves, no?  And there are TWO VIDEOS for his most popular song (it was so good it could not be contained in merely one video!), Sheila: one has monkeys, the other has Bob Hoskins and no monkeys.  Did you watch one of those?  Okay, good.  That was a very depressing song if you listened to any of the words, right?  North London is so gritty.  Pretty fun, though, apart from that.

The rest of the album is also very listenable; some of it is funny, some of it is sad, some is highly danceable/aerobicizable (I've listened to this song just about every single time I've treadmilled since October '08), etc.  It's not something that gets old quickly (for me, at least.  Maybe you hate Jamie T's music, I dunno!), partly because it sounds fairly different from most other things I could compare it to.  Probably the closest thing is The Streets, what with all the speed-talking/singing quasi-rap, obscure British slang, references to gritty North London, and clever use of samples.  But there's so much more!  There are bits of reggae, ska, punk, dub, spoken word ramblings, whatever.  And it's fun to try and figure out what the hell he's talking about (seriously, such a tough accent)!

Okay, you get it.  Good stuff!  Jamie T's new album, Kings and Queens, is just as good as the first one, but with one hundred percent more solemn acoustic ballads (no, that's not a bad thing!).  I like it a lot!  Listen to it, or whatever.

Another Skins post

Well, this one was fine, I guess.  It certainly had some good parts and some not-as-good parts.  But enough of the vagueties.  On to the recap!

The Slutty Twin is recovering from her massive Effy-inflicted head injury, and also her name is Katie.  She hasn't been going to college so Emily disguises herself as Katie (it was easy, she just dressed up like a skank) to take a test for her or something (they are TWINS, remember!).  Naomi recognizes Emily, just in time to tell her that she is going to spend her summer "finding herself" in Cyprus, with no help from Emily.  Poor Emily, she is very sad now.  Just as Naomi walks out of her life forever (until next school year), Emily calls out "I'll miss you, Naomi!  You are the love of my life!" and Naomi runs back and they totally make out in the hallway.

"Twins are so confusing!"

Meanwhile, Katie is sitting at home with her mum, whingeing and moaning about her unattractive head injury.  She says something about how everyone just likes her for her looks and Emily is the smarter twin.  Emotions!  Her mother promises to hunt Effy down.  "She will go to JAIL for what she did to you!"  What, where did Effy go?

When Katie is done whingeing, we see Emily and Naomi hanging out, all naked and stuff.  Naomi is like "I don't think I'll be going to Cyprus anymore, hehe!" and Emily is like "Yay!  Wanna go to the school dance with me, like, as a couple?" but Naomi says she doesn't want to because then everyone will think she's, like, gay, you know?.  Emily is very frustrated and is like, "We definitely just had some lesbian sex.  I mean,  LOOK AT HOW NAKED WE ARE!  Stop lying to yourself."  And she runs off, without any shoes or jackets.  At the bus stop, she is looking a right mess.  Thomas, who has taken a break from his busy partying schedule, sees her and gives her his shoes and jacket, as well as some words of wisdom (he has learned a lot from his relationship with the adulterous Pandora).  Aw, what a nice guy. 

Emily gets home and still looks a right mess.  Her family wants to know where she's been.  Her mom, ever the overblown caricature of a looks-obsessed adult, wonders why she looks so awful.  "Did some BOY do that to you?" she inquires.  "Yeah, did some BOY do that?  If so, I will mash his brains into a pulp!" her dad, ever the overblown caricature of a fitness-obsessed adult, gleefully offers.  But Emily is like, "No way, family.  It was a GIRL.  I just nailed a GIRL."  The parents are aghast.  Katie says Emily is lying, she's totally straight!, and the dad thinks it's a hilarious joke.  What a supportive family!

Later on, Katie and Emily have a terrible fight but then they get over it.  Katie wants to go shopping for a dress to wear to the dance.  They decide to go to the dance together, without dates, because boys and Naomis can be jerks sometimes.  There is a shopping montage accompanied by some exceedingly sassy music.  Emily and Katie are having fun together, yay!  But oh no, who's that walking into the DRESS SHOP?!  It's Freddie, of course. Katie is really mad at him because of how he had sex with Effy instead of searching for her after she was hit in the head with a rock when they were in the woods that one time.  You know, normal relationship stuff.  He and Katie have a chat in the dressing room.

Freddie blabs about how JJ slept with Emily, even though that was a SECRET!  Katie remembers this information; it will be good for blackmailing. 

Meanwhile, Naomi goes over to Emily's place, but she's not there.  Instead, her mom is there, and she tells Naomi she must never see Emily again.  Oh no!  Naomi calls Emily and they meet up somewhere, but whoa, it's actually Katie!  She tells Naomi about Emily's thing with JJ and she wants Naomi to stay away from her sister because she doesn't like how she is gay,  they are supposed to be exactly the same, and she doesn't want anyone else to love her (which is kind of nice, but still, what a bitch!).  Naomi is like "ugh, what a biiiiiitch."

Emily and Katie go to the dance looking exactly the same.  Their dates are Freddie and JJ now, but they aren't talking much because things are awkward.  Naomi shows up and she confronts Emily about that thing with JJ.  Everyone starts fighting, but Emily and Katie's fight is the best.  Emily almost punches Katie in the face on the dancefloor, but then she doesn't because that's, like, totally what Effy did, and also she loves her sister or whatever.  They make up, Katie accepts Emily for who she is, and Naomi and Emily declare their love for each other in front of the whole college.  Oh, and Pandora and Thomas get back together, but what's more important is that Thomas HAS KILLER STYLE IN SUITS!  What a cool guy.

Yay, happy endings all around! 

Some thoughts:

• Oh man, the music was so annoying this episode.  I'm going to have to confiscate some of those gold stars I gave the music person.  There were like THREE TIMES where music with words was playing over dialog!  Unacceptable.
• Oh man, the adults were so annoying this episode.  The parents especially; they were perhaps the most ridiculous of ALL the parents, and that's saying something.
• Otherwise, it was pretty good!
  

Mika's new album is great!

My second-favorite flamboyant British pop star who sounds like Freddie Mercury (or, as the The Times describes him, the "camp, half-Lebanese singer-songwriter cursed by an inability to walk into a crowded room without a show of jazz hands") just put out a new album, called The Boy Who Knew Too Much, and it is great!  I've been listening to it pretty much non-stop since last week.  It's very fun!  "We Are Golden" is a catchy tune!  In fact, pretty much everything is incredibly catchy and fun, except for maybe the two requisite piano power ballads.  But those are still good!

And there are plenty of songs to add to my Gaylist (did you know that Mika is actually not gay?  Just bi.  Shocker!);  "Toy Boy" and "Lover Boy" would be excellent additions!  I especially like the song "Rain," which is great and has a speaking-over-music bit that makes me chuckle because of how it sounds like the Flight of the Conchords' "Inner City Pressure".  But my favorite is probably "Blame It on the Girls."  Look, here is a video of it!

Aw, those old ladies are having so much fun.  But how fun and catchy was that!  Anyways, Mika's new album is great, yay!

A Creepy Skins is the Best Skins

Okay, so this last one was an Effy episode, and the Effy episodes are usually pretty great, so I was expecting a lot from this one.  For the most part, it did not disappoint!  Effy is still a great character even though she is such a sluuuuuuuut now.  Anyways, this episode was very intense!  So much serious stuff going on.  Here's what happened:

Effy's mom never listens to Effy; she's too busy flipping through magazines and pointing out which men are bastards (apparently all of them, even Stephen Fry!).  So Effy says something about how she and Cook broke up and it will be hard to raise their baby on her own, but her mom still does not listen.  So Effy goes over to Freddie's house, but of course the Slutty Twin is there, being bossy and rude.  She wants Effy to drive everyone to her party in the woods at Gobbler's Knob, but she doesn't want Cook to come because he is always being a jerk and ruining parties.  Effy and Freddie have a couple awkward moments, and then Effy runs outside and barfs on the sidewalk.  Uh oh, maybe she wasn't lying about the being pregnant thing! 

Cook goes over to Effy's house with a "gatoo" cake, but Effy is not there.  Effy's mom is like, "She went to a party without you in Gobbler's Knob.  That's right, a PARTY.  And you were not invited.  Thanks for the gatoo."  Cook is sad and I kind of feel bad for him, even though he is still a jerk.  No one likes to be the only person not invited to a party!

Meanwhile, the gang is driving up to Gobbler's Knob but they are lost and have to stop at a petrol station to ask for directions.  The only people there are a couple creepy guys with guns.  You can tell they are creepy because one of them has this tattoo:

They are very menacing, and one of them even tries to rape the Slutty Twin.  Yikes!  Then this other guy is like "Beware the full moon, the woods are dangerous when there is a full moon" and I am so excited by the prospect of a Skins-Being Human crossover episode (they are both set in Bristol after all!) a la the classic Johnny Bravo-Scooby Doo episode.  Then the scary guys are about to leave when Effy calls one of them a freak.  Ruh roh!

As they are all heading to the woods, those creepy guys start chasing them, but then they go away.  They get to the woods and it's very nice.  It looks like they may just have a pleasant camping trip, but then it gets crazy because DRUGS (actually shrooms, but whatever).  Everyone is having fun and eating shrooms except the Slutty Twin because she likes to poop her own parties.  Thomas is partying hard!  Then, the creepiest music I have ever heard this side of Revolution 9 starts playing, and oh look, it's the full moon!  Effy and Freddie share some moments, and the Slutty Twin gets jealous and calls Effy a desperate whore.  There are some shots and rustlings in the woods and everyone freaks out.  Maybe it's a werewolf!  Alas no, it's just that jerk Cook, crashing the party.  Everyone is like, "You suck, Cook.  Go away.  We all hate you now."  Thomas starts speaking truth to power again, telling Cook he is a "stupid little boy."  But Cook will not go away.  Instead, he reveals some painful truths and there are confrontations.  The Slutty Twin is mad at Freddie!  Freddie likes Effie!  Effie is done with Cook!  Thomas can no longer tolerate Pandora's infidelity!  Pandora hates Cook now and she punches him in the face! 

Effy starts tripping really badly so she runs off into the woods where she finds the Slutty Twin, who's very mad at Effy.  She starts beating her up, and like, choking her and stuff!  So Effy hits her in the head with a rock.  The Slutty Twin is now either unconscious or dead, lying in a pool of blood in the woods.  Effy doesn't realize what she's done because drugs, so she heads back to the camp with a chilling grin on her face and proceeds to totally get it on with Freddie.

This whole thing is very weird because yay, Effy finally got her shit together and is with Freddie, but also her friend is over there in a pool of blood, possibly dead!

Now it's morning.  Some of the gang have had a nice night, and others have been lying in a pool of blood, possibly dead.  They can't find the Slutty Twin so they leave without her.  Effy feels awful.  In a strange turn of events, her mom is the only person who will listen to her, and her friends hate her now because of how she hit her friend in the head with a rock and left her to rot (but she's not dead!).  Understandable.

Here are some other thoughts:

• This one was pretty good!  Probably the second-best Effy episode, after the first season one (see what I did there?).
• I love it when Skins gets creepy instead of normal trashy teen soap opera-y.
• The guy who plays Freddie only has two acting looks, and I am getting tired of them!

Meaningful look!  "Effy is looking hot tonight, but also I love her and respect her intelligence" or "I'm feeling some deep emotions that are not disgust or annoyance!"

Annoyed look!  "Cook is such a jerk" or "Ugh, I'm so annoyed or disgusted!"

Can we just talk about how cool our president is?

Seriously, he is such a cool guy.  Forget politics, let's just look at a few reasons for why he is possibly the most awesome American president yet:

1)  He's a Harry Potter fan!  Look, here he is saying he is "excited" for the last book!



Yay!  Plus, he name-dropped J. K. Rowling in his speech on education:  "Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who’ve had the most failures. JK Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published."  Yay!  This is great not only because, duh, Harry Potter is great and anyone who likes the books is fine by me, but also because Obama must have learned the Lessons of the Books and we can count on him never being a Cornelius Fudge or a Scrimgeour.  Yay!

2) He celebrates Talk Like a Pirate Day and HE ACTUALLY LET A PIRATE INTO THE WHITE HOUSE!!!

3) He likes Juanes!  "He’s a terrific musician," Obama said.  "He puts on a very good concert."

4) He probably likes Kanye West!  Sure, he called him a "jackass," but whatever, I'm just impressed that HE ACTUALLY KNOWS WHO HE IS and is up-to-date enough on definitely-not-that-important news like the Taylor Diss to give an informed opinion of the situation!  (But really, he probably has a few Kanye songs on his iPod.)  And also, by calling Kanye a jackass he showed us that he is really on the pulse of the Nation's Opinions of Kanye West (a very important thing to be on the pulse of)

5)  This picture!

(dork.)

A list of the most depressing movies I have ever seen

The other day I watched this movie called Kidulthood.  I had wanted to see it because some kids from Skins were in it (but BARELY!), as well as Mickey from Doctor Who, and because a "gritty, powerful drama set in the unforgiving confines of the concrete jungle of North London" sounds like a rip-roaring good time to me.  Boy, was I wrong!  It was one helluva depressing movie.  Basically, it was like Skins: The Movie but with heaps of violence and way more gangsters and it's set in Gritty North London.  Also, it turns out Mickey from Doctor Who, aka Noel Clarke, not only played the most unlikable character in a movie full of unlikable characters but also wrote it.  So good job, I guess?  It was very gritty and powerful and unforgiving.  And it was kind of . . . interesting, and well-acted and it looked nice.  But it was so fucking depressing!  In commemoration of this event (this event = me watching a depressing movie), I've decided to compile a list of the most depressing movies I have ever seen*.  Yay, funtimes!

• Dancer in the Dark - oh man, this one was AWFUL.  Like, it was very well made, and it had excellent acting (good job, Bjork!) and lovely music (good job, Bjork!), but come on, there is no need for any movie to be that depressing, especially if it is not about the Holocaust.  That's just not right.  Also, I'm not one to get too emotionally attached while watching a movie, but I literally cried buckets when I watched this.  BUCKETS.  Lars von Trier probably saw Schindler's List and was like, "Nope, not sad enough, and not nearly enough music and dancing."  Anyways, I liked certain things about it, but it was very cruel of Lars von Trier to make such a monumentally depressing non-Holocaust movie and dupe me into watching it because of Bjork.  I guess what I'm saying is, fuck you, Lars von Trier. 
• Ray - oh look, another movie about a blind musician!
  
• 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days (aka the Romanian Abortion Movie) - I really liked this one, even though it is literally an Abortion Movie.  That's what happens.  It was easily one of the most horrific movies I have ever seen, and apparently it was based on a true story which just makes it worse.  Total nightmare fuel, but I liked it because I learned so much.  About Romania and abortions!
• Million Dollar Baby - woohoo, a fun tale about euthanasia, death, old people, and sexism!  Just what I wanted!  
• The Wind That Shakes the Barley - this was that movie with Cillian Murphy about the Irish War of Independence, which was a very sad war so of course the movie is very sad.  It was also very good, though!  And I learned a lot about Ireland!
• American History X - best movie about neo-Nazis, racism, prison rapes, and brutal violence EVER
• This is England - probably my favorite Terribly Depressing Movie, mostly because it wasn't oppressively depressing the entire time.  Some of it was actually fun!  Plus, England, so, you know . . .
  
• Before the Devil Knows You're Dead - technically a good movie, but there was not a single fun or enjoyable part in the whole thing.  Plus, it was SET IN A STRIP MALL IN NEW JERSEY.  Yuck.

That's about it, then.  I'm sure I've forgotten some, but whatever.  Oh no, I forgot the DEATH TRILOGY!  New bullet!

• Amores Perros, 21 Grams, and Babel (aka the DEATH TRILOGY) - these ones are all pretty depressing, but 21 Grams is definitely the worst (I'd say it's in the top 5 of the Most Depressing Movies I Have Ever Seen list).  They all involve a Tragic Car Crash and probably drugs or whatever, so yeah.  Babel ended on a nicer note than the others but it didn't make me "depressed" so much as "feeling really bad about being an American right now, thanks a lot Mexican director Alejandro Gonzalez Iñarritú."  Amores Perros is awesome, it's really great, but all the dog fighting and lonely homeless hitman was pretty sad. 
  

* I didn't include any Holocaust movies because I generally hate them very much**, plus they're all terribly depressing and that would make for a boring list.  Schindler's List is probably a great movie, but I never want to see it.  I've heard it is the most depressing movie Of All Time, and also the Definitive Holocaust Movie.  But what I don't understand is, if Schindler's List is such a great, Holocaust-y movie, then why the fuck are new Holocaust movies still being made ALL THE TIME?!?!  Are there really people that need reminding through film that the Holocaust was the greatest human tragedy ever?  And if so, why can't those people just fucking RENT SCHINDLER'S LIST or read Anne Frank's diary?  I don't get it.

** except Life is Beautiful, which I liked very much (mostly because the first half is a delightful, lighthearted comedy with only the slightest traces of Holocaust)

Skins is 'quite good' for the second time in a row!

So, the last episode of Skins was quite good!  For the most part!  That makes two episodes in a row that were quite good!  For the most part!  Here's a brief summary of what went down, in case you did not watch it or have forgotten:

It starts out with JJ sitting in his room with, like, food on his face.  The room is really messy and there is a humongous friendship diagram on his wall.  It is very scientific and detailed.  By looking at it, you can tell that Cook is a crazy tit and Freddie is tall and stoned.

Also, he wants to headbutt some of his friends.  Watch out, Effy!

It turns out JJ broke a model airplane in a fit of rage or whatever, so he goes down to the model shop to buy some more models.  The guy who works there is like, "Why would you break that model?  I'm worried about you, kid."  Next, JJ goes to the doctor and tells him about his problems, but the doctor is like "Yeah, sure, whatever kid.  I don't really care about your friend troubles.  Here's some pills."  All adults are smug, condescending assholes, but doctors are the worst.  While at the doctor, JJ runs into Emily, who is there to talk to a counselor.  They have a friendly chat and bond over how they both have problems and like girls.  JJ is worried he's not "normal" and at one point he gets stressed out and says "Shitification!"  He tells Emily about all his problems, like how his BFFs Freddie and Cook are always ruffling his hair and being mad at each other, and Emily is like "You need to talk to them about this stuff" so they both go to Freddie's house.  Freddie's sister answers the door, and she sees Emily and is like "Hold on now, I thought you were upstairs fucking my brother" only she doesn't say that.  They go upstairs, and the Slutty Twin is fucking her brother.  Emily and JJ are like "Whaaaaat!  I have never even seen you guys talk to each other and now THIS?!  Also, gross, you're my sister/best friend!"  Everyone is mad.  JJ accidentally outs Emily.  Whoops.

JJ goes home, and his mom is sleeping on the couch with all these medical papers strewn about.  Surprise!  JJ has Asperger's.  It's a sad moment.  Then he gets a call from Cook, who talks to him WHILE HE IS HAVING SEX.  Also, Cook says something about how JJ is his friend who will never "finger his pussy candy" (JJ : Cook :: Pandora : Effy) only JJ wasn't supposed to hear that part (classy!).  Poor guy.

JJ storms off and runs into these kids who are always hanging around his house, calling him names and stuff.  JJ is mad so he almost punches one of them, but gives him a lollipop instead.  Magic!  Then he goes to Effy's house.  The door is open so he goes in and finds Effy sitting in her room with no clothes on, naturally.  Effy has a Snoopy sno-cone maker like the one I had as a youngster (important plot detail).

They have a discussion.  JJ is like "Why were you having sex with Cook when he was talking to me?"  and she is like "What are you talking about?"  Double whoops.  Also, JJ wants her to stop making Freddie and Cooke hate each other, but she's like "Sorry, no can do.  I'm feeling very emo and I can't let other people be happy when I'm not."  What a biiiiiiiiitch.  But she offers to be his friend, so that was nice.

Next, JJ goes to see Cook, who it turns out is having sex with Pandora these days.  But it's secret!  Only JJ knows.  Cook lives in OHMYGOD Easter egg for the superfans! Chris's old student flat.  Look at this graffiti! 

JJ tells him about all his problems, but Cook just blows him off because he's a jerk, so JJ gets mad and yells at Cook and calls him a twat.  Cook is like "Well, maybe I am a twat."  They share a tender embrace.  It's nice even though Cook is still a jerk.

Now Effy and Naomi are chatting at the club.  Effy tells Naomi how she likes to fuck Cook "occasionally" but they are not "together" because she does not believe in "love" now that her parents are "fucking their lives up."  Just then, Freddie gives Effy a powerful, intensely loving look.  It is such a powerful look that it catches Effy off guard, and Naomi notices and is like "Ooh, he loves you, gurl!  Did you see that powerful look!?"

JJ and Cook go to the club, and Cook is all hopped up on some of JJ's pills.  He is CUHRAAAZY now because DRUGS!  So of course he starts groping Emily, the gay twin, and then he gets beaten up (I could not tell by whom, it was hard to concentrate what with all the throbbing club beats and strobe lights).  Some of the gang check to see if he's alright.  Freddie is very mad at him!  Cook has a moment of self-realization, something about how he's a shithead and he fucks Pandora just because he can.  What a jerk!  Thomas is there (Thomas works at the club now.  A natural home for someone who parties too hard), and he's really mad because Pandora is supposed to be his girlfriend!  He's like "He does not deserve friends" and I'm like, "Words of wisdom, Thomas.  Where ya been?"  Effy rushes over to see what happened to Cook, and Freddie gives her another intense look.  This time it is a look of annoyance.  He says something snarky and storms off.  Naomi rolls her eyes. 

Meanwhile, Emily is moping around outside because of relationship issues, and also Cook is a jerk with boundary issues.  JJ goes to cheer her up.  They have a meaningful chat, after which they head over to JJ's house.  JJ starts writing on his silly relationship wall and Emily feels bad for him or something so she offers him the "charity event" of "Sex with Emily Even Though She Is Definitely A Lesbian."  He's like"sure" so they totally do it even though she is definitely a lesbian.  It's kind of sweet, actually.  The next morning, JJ introduces Emily to his mom, who seems like a nice lady.  They all have a lovely breakfast together and JJ's mom is happy that JJ has a True Friend.  It is a happy ending, yay!

NEXT WEEK: Freddie DIES!  Or something.  That was the most fucking ominous preview I have ever seen.

And here are some other things of notice:

• I liked how this episode had nothing but classical music for the soundtrack!  All Debussy!  Clair de Lune was playing while JJ and Emily were having sex!  Classical music always makes things seem really poignant.  Whoever does the music on this show is very good at their job.  Between this, the Cat Stevens sing-along, and Grizzly Bear's "Knife" as Tony's amnesia theme song last season, they have earned 100 gold stars for being creative and using excellent music. 
  
• JJ is autistic, not just a nerd!  LOVE THAT.  I hope there will be someone in a wheelchair next season!
• Why doesn't Cook have a family?  He has no overbearing or disinterested parents and he lives by himself.  What is up with that?!  MAJOR MYSTERY.
• Lovin' the Easter eggs!  So far we've had one each for Sid, Tony, and Chris.  Who's next?  Will someone trip over Jal's smashed clarinet in an alleyway???  Or find Maxxie's drawings in a broken-down hotel in Russia?????
  

Never change, Kanye, never change

I feel like I definitely have to weigh in on this Kanye West/Taylor Swift thing, what with my  love for Kanye and his insane ramblings, and my medium-to-strong dislike for Taylor Swift's music, as well as my interest in Kanyoetry (I can. not. resist this golden opportunity, so see below for a new one). 

But let me preface my official opinion on the Taylor Diss by reviewing his most notable outbursts, excluding the Katrina thing, because that is a totally different can of worms:

 

1) That time he stormed out of the Grammys because Gretchen Wilson, the singer of "Redneck Woman" won Best New Artist over him.  Gretchen Wilson, the singer of "Redneck Woman."  You're fucking kidding me, Grammys.  CASE DISMISSED.

2) This one, at the MTV Europe Music Awards in 2006.  My favorite part is when he's like "It's nothing against you, I've never seen your video" and the other guy is like "You should watch it!"  Lolol.  He got so worked up about losing and HE NEVER EVEN SAW THE OTHER VIDEO.  He was just so fucking proud of his million-dollar video with Pam Anderson and "canyons and shit" and he simply wanted more people to know about it.  There's nothing wrong with that!  I think it's quite precious, really.  It's like he's a little kid who just got home from school where he drew an awesome picture of dinosaurs flying fighter jets while eating cheese whiz and fighting Godzilla, and he wants Mom to put it on the fridge for everyone to admire, but Mom is like "Hm, there are a lot of shopping lists and postcards on the fridge, let me see if there is room for your picture, there might not be" and so he goes "C'mon, Mom, those things are all dumb.  We are talking about a picture of DINOSAURS FLYING FIGHTER JETS WHILE EATING CHEESE WHIZ AND FIGHTING GODZILLA!!!  WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE GREAT!?!?"  Totally understandable (also, flawless metaphor).  Was that a bit rude to stampede all over those guys' moment?  Of course, but it was also very funny!  The people in the audience think he is a riot!  They're even APPLAUDING HIM!  Those Europeans and their senses of humor that are similar to mine.

3) "I'm never coming to MTV again!"  This Kanye is kind of scary!  So much anger!  But you have to appreciate how earnest he is in his appreciation of his own work.  He just really, really wants to win all the awards.  We've all got to dream.  Also, this is the one that inspired Kanye to take a look at himself and keep that ego in check.  Maybe it does not always have to be about Kanye and his awards, just maybe. 

So you see, Kanye's outburst and public tantrums are a great source of entertainment for me.  The Taylor Swift thing did not disappoint.  It was actually quite restrained, compared to the other ones.  This was not a rant about Kanye at all.  Sure, he stormed the stage and stole the mic from Taylor so he could make an impromptu speech about his opinions, but it is important to note that his opinions were not about himself for once.  He just wanted Beyoncé to win for her awesome video!  It was one of the best of all time!  (Personally, I think Beyoncé's video was much better, duh, plus it inspired hundreds, literally thousands, of look-a-like videos on YouTube and elsewhere, and it has the rare distinction of being one of the few videos I have seen this year.  I have not seen Taylor Swift's video, but that's not important, not at all!  Not that this whole thing actually matters, because the VMAs don't matter, they are for tweenage girls who love Twilight and Taylor Swift.  I am too old for this, really!  But as long as there is a chance of a Kanye Ego Explosion, you can color me interested.)  He has been working on his ego!  Good job, Kanye!  I knew you could do it!

Of course, it was mean of him to steal Taylor Swift's moment and rain on her video parade.  It was a dickish move, sure.  And now a lot more people think Kanye is an incorrigible asshole.  Certainly all of the tween girls and Taylor Swift-heads in the audience hate him now, they were booing quite furiously!  I thought it was funny, but who cares (seriously, Beyoncé's reaction shot?  Hilarious.  She's like "Oh Kanye, stop it!  You are TOO.  MUCH!").  And at the very least, this incident will provide Taylor Swift with something new to sing about once she gets tired of princesses and castles and unicorns (but that may never happen, because if you're still thinking about fairy tales when you are AN ADULT you will probably never stop thinking about fairy tales). 

In summation, I don't mind that Kanye is a crazy ego-maniacal asshole because he is so very entertaining, and I think his outbursts are endearing in a weird way.  So keep 'em coming, Kanye!  Shine on you crazy, craaaaazy diamond! 

And here is a new haiku from his original apology, which is the most unapologetic apology I have ever read (he said sorry to Taylor's mom, but not Taylor?  And what award did he give to Outkast?  I don't believe that for one second):

Not Crazy, Just Real

No disrespect, but

A fan of real pop culture

Apologize 2MRW

Skins is getting better, sort of!

So, I have now watched three more episodes of the new season of Skins and it is slightly better now, I think.  Sort of?  Pretty much.  Anyways, here is a brief rundown of what happened in the last three episodes:

In the fourth episode, Effy is sad because her parents are always fighting and having affairs with David Baddiel, and Pandora is sad because Thomas, her boyfriend from the Congo, got deported for partying too hard :(.  The slutty twin is really into EXTREME PDA and this annoys Effy but who cares because Effy is such a slut.  Everyone is feeling very mopey so Pandora has a party with the girls.  Pandora's mom, who is an adult, is a an unrealistic caricature of a strict parent.  She makes them have a boring pyjama party but it turns into a CUHRAAAZY party because drugs.  Cook crashes the party and has sex with basically all the girls, even Pandora.  This makes Effy mad, and she is like "Pandora, you broke our friendship contract."  Then Thomas comes back and is like "Hey girlfriend!  I just got back from Africa after getting deported for partying too hard!" and Pandora is all "Whoops.  Shouldn't have had sex with Cook.  Why did I do that?  He is such a jerk.  Why hasn't anyone else noticed that?"

In the fifth episode, Effy starts hanging out with Freddie because (shocker!) Cook is such a jerk.  Freddie is like, "This is great because I actually love you and I am not a jerk.  I promise I will never fuck your best friend!"  But Effy is feeling very emo now so she stops talking again.  She goes swimming and is sitting on some sort of wooden island (not a boat) in the middle of the river when she gets a call from Freddie (swimming + cell phone = still works).  She doesn't answer so Freddie swims over there and they start making out in the water.  It is a very bitchy moment.

Meanwhile, Freddie's sister is on a reality TV show; it's sort of like American Idol but for British sluts.  She is like, "I want to win for my dead mother!" and Freddie is like "Ugh, so annoyed."  Freddie's dad is there, too.  Freddie's dad, an adult, is an unrealistic caricature of a mean parent.  He even punches Freddie, just because Freddie observed that his sister is using their mother's death as a sob story so she can become a famous whore!   Freddie is a nice guy, so he eventually decides that he wants his sister to win, and so he votes for her.  But she loses because Cook got everyone to vote against her!  He was mad at her because they had sex one time (of course!) and also something else happened!  Freddie is like, "Why are you such a jerk" and storms off to see Effy, but she has already forgotten about their bitchy moment in the water and is making out with Cook because of course that's what happened.

The last episode is all about Emily and Naomi, the lesbian and the sort-of lesbian.  Naomi is very smart and political; you can tell because she has a poster of Nelson Mandela in her room.  She lives in a commune.  Her mother, an adult, is an unrealistic caricature of a free-loving hippie mom.  At college, all the teachers (adults) are terribly misguided and ridiculous, except for this one Irish guy who wants Naomi to run for class president.  She doesn't want to, but agrees to once Cook threatens to make "wiggly-waggly" with her if she doesn't win?  So she runs for president and also hangs out with Emily, they have fun, but when they are at school Naomi pretends like she doesn't know Emily.  The nerve!  Cook is a jerk but everyone loves him for some reason, so he is totally going to win the election. Naomi is feeling sad so she talks to the nice Irish guy but he starts hitting on her!  What a creep!  Now she is all "Boo hoo, I'm going to cry in the shower now" but then she remembers how nice Emily is, so they go bike riding in the English countryside and have a great time.  It's very cute and they are totally together now.

But then Naomi does something mean and poor Emily is all alone again.  Back at school, Naomi overhears the teachers counting the votes.  Cook definitely won but the evil teachers tell everyone Naomi is the winner, and she calls them out on it even though Cook is such a jerk.  Cook wins and there is total anarchy.  A car is burned in the parking lot as Naomi walks calmly past.  She has a heart-to-heart with her mom, who is actually pretty nice.  Then she realizes she likes Emily even though Emily is a girl, so they make up and it is very cute.

Well that wasn't brief at all!  Anyways, here are some opinions I have:

• I think things may be improving slightly, which is good.  The fourth episode was pretty meh, mostly because the idea that "partying + DRUGS = good times" is getting very wearing and also Cook is a jerk.  The fifth one was better but the ending was oh so dumb, also because Cook is a jerk.  And I actually really liked the last one!  If I were a professional television critic writing in a reputable publication, I would say "it had a compelling storyline and a strong emotional core," which is unusual for this season.  Plus, I like this Emily character!  She is definitely the most likable of the bunch (Thomas parties too hard).  Also, the whole lesbian thing was handled very nicely; it was all quite smart and tasteful (also unusual for this season).
• The guest stars are still great!  Bob Fossil from the Mighty Boosh was in the Freddie episode!  And that lady from Peep Show was in the last one!  Yay!
• All of the adults are still unrealistic caricatures.  This is expected, of course.  Never change, Skins, never change.

Well, that is the end of my novel-length dissection of a trashy teen dramedy.  Whoops, that's my blog.

(Also, I'd like to apologize for the boring photos here; I'm having some technical issues so I had to get them all from the Skins site [they actually do quite an amusing job of pictorially recapping the episodes; here's one description: "Freddie finishes what he started and supports his sister in the final. He even wears a suit jacket. Bless. His dad is proud as punch, minus the punch (because he's very sorry about that)."  Ooh, he's wearing a suit jacket!  BLESS. HIS. LITTLE. SUIT JACKET-WEARING. HEART!] Otherwise I would have some great screengrabs of the Nelson Mandela poster and the burning car.  Oh well.)